Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 19 July 2007

image for Shilpa Shetty Unveiled As New Leeds United Manager
Shilpa Shetty this time next year (artist's impression)

Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty was this morning unveiled as the surprise new manager of League One Leeds United, as the Yorkshire club set out its stall to put its own name back in bright lights.

Miss Shetty, who is Indian, was in Leeds to receive an honorary Arts degree from Leeds University, and met United owner Ken Beast in a Harrogate tea shoppe for a brew. There, they thrashed out a deal which will make Shetty the lowest-paid manager in England - in accordance with rates of pay on the Indian sub-continent.

The actress achieved worldwide fame earlier this year when appearing on Celebrity Big Brother in the notorious 'Racism Rows', clashing swords with Jade Goody and Danielle Lloyd, two low-grade munters.

Ousted Leeds boss Denis Wise, who looks a bit like a skinny Jade Goody, was surprised to lose his job to Miss Shetty. After clearing his desk today, the chirpy Cockney asked Yorkshire Post reporters:

"She might have dignity and poise, but has she ever managed such a useless bunch of tossers as Leeds?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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