David Beckham has been brought to the U.S., not to play soccer, but to run for president on the Republican ticket.
Sources confirm that the Republicans are desperate, since none of their declared candidates are igniting the crowds. "But don't you have to be born in America to run for President?" a perplexed observer asked. "If you're just a commoner, yes. But NOT if you have the money, looks, fame, talent, and sex appeal that David has," an informed insider responded.
Rumor has it that special legislation (the 'Bend It for Beckham' Bill) will create a dispensation applying just to Beckham. The bill will soon be rushed through Congress, permitting 'special circumstances' and paving the way for Beckham's eligibility for a presidential run.
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, born in Austria, is furious, since he would like to be considered eligible to run for president. But rumor has it that top Republicans chose Beckham over him for numerous reasons, not the least of which is a consideration of first-lady material. "Victoria Beckham is younger, richer, trendier, and more famous than Maria Shriver," a confidential source reported. After a pause, he added, "Posh might also be skinnier than Maria, but I'm not sure; that's a close call."