Written by Warren Redlich
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Topics: Ron Paul

Saturday, 14 July 2007

image for Ron Paul Strikes Out Side
Will Ron Paul be pitching here soon?

Ron Paul had an outstanding performance tonight in his first stint pitching for the Iowa Cubs. Paul appeared in the bottom of the ninth inning as the Cubs were protecting a 5-3 lead over the Omaha Royals.

The 71-year-old Paul needed only 12 pitches to strike out three batters. First up was Roudee Joolee Onny (a native of the French Caribbean). Onny swung and missed on three straight pitches, including two knuckleballs and a wild curveball. Next, Paul needed five pitches to strike out Matt Rummy. Paul got ahead of Rummy in the count, getting to 0-2. Paul then threw a straight pitch inside that just missed the batter's chin. Rummy fouled another pitch off before watching a knuckleball sneak back over the plate for a third strike.

The last Royals batter was supposed to be Jon McGinn, but manager Ken Mehlman put in Fredd Thomasson to pinch-hit. Thomasson fouled off three straight pitches, including one that went just left of the left-field foul pole, took two balls, and then swung and missed for the final out of the game.

The fans of the Ron Paul presidential campaign have followed him to his new baseball career, putting a heavy load on the web servers of minor league baseball teams. Pacific Coast League president Saul Anuzis had called for a ban on Ron Paul participating in games to avoid the heavy internet traffic, but the league's managers all think Anuzis is an idiot and ignored him.

The pitcher has taken a two week break from his Ron Paul for President campaign, but is widely expected to return to the campaign if he doesn't get called up to the majors.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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