BELGIQUE (Gand) -- Champion Tour de France sprinter Robbie McEwen (Predictor) said today that his energy spurts come from drinking Tahitian Noni Juice. And on stage 2 of the Tour, someone stole his canteen full of the stuff. "I wonder who that could have been," said McEwen, who easily won stage 1, even after a crash and from way back in the field behind the peloton.
But this stuff smells like baby vomit. "You get used to it," McEwen said, "and I had a baby anyway, so I'm used to it."
Tahitian Noni Juice, comes from a breadfruit like bulb and provides increased mental clarity, increased attention span, and greater physical performance levels. But, phew! It's a stinker.
"Two parts Noni to seven parts lemonade makes a sprinter," McEwen enthused, "I get it from the source." Does that mean Tahiti? "Yes," he said, "I cycle around Tahiti looking for the best juice."
Nice work, if you can get it! Still French jubilant Tahiti only has paradise going for it, and, we all know paradise is sweaty. Plus you can't export paradise. Or can you. Just because you've got a fruit in the foliage that no local could stomach, why not export it as super juice. And who's to say -- you too could ride the Tour. Yes you -- in that comfortable chair at home.
So, if you're a cyclist, and don't want to dope, get into natural Noni Juice. A chocolate milk-shake with baby vomit can't be as bad as replacing your blood every night!
Now, if Robbie could just pin down who stole his juice on stage 2 of the tour ...