Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 7 July 2007

image for Leeds United Acquired For £2.50 By Grandmother At Car Boot Sale
"Am allus buyin' bits o' jumble!"

Leeds United, relegated from the Championship to League One at the end of last season, may start the new season after all, thanks to a quick-thinking grandma with an eye for a bargain.

The Whites, once-mighty giants of European football, looked doomed this week when administrators put the club up for sale over a £7.7million tax bill.

This morning, though, their future looks secure after pensioner Betty Ramsbottom, 82 of Pudsey, snapped them up at a Car Boot Sale at Roundhay Park for £2.50 along with some tea towels and a quantity of knitting yarn.

Betty, who doesn't even like football, said:

"Am allus round Car Boots! Allus pickin up sticks o' rubbish, an' useless bits of owd tat an' jumble! 'Appen it'll come in f' summat!"

United, who in the past won the old First Division, Premier League, FA Cup, League Cup and were European Cup runners-up in 1975, once had one of the most feared 'travelling firms' in football, but, in recent years, the club has been humbled by its crippling debt and seeming inability to climb back to its former glories.

Currently more than £1billion in the red, owner Ken Beast recently offloaded the club, but it's unclear as to how it ended up at the Roundhay Park Car Boot.

Betty, who says she doesn't have any concrete plans for the club, cackled:

"Ar mart give it t' grandson. 'E plays football!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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