AFTER the most successful run of uninterrupted rain - record-breaking fucking buckets of the stuff - a potential three-day outbreak of tennis is set to mar the final weekend of Wimbledon.
Such is the huge schedule of on-court grunt-and-groaning that has been held up by the perfectly inclement English weather, that haters of the racket sport who purchase tickets will have no choice but to watch the likes of Venus 'eclipsed by my sister' Williams and Roger FedExerer grunt and groan for hours on end as they bid to add another Wimbledon trophy to their resume.
One man delighted by the forecast was former three-time Wimbledon champion/turned TV pundit, Boris 'five-second bonk' Becker.
The Bavarian blaster said: "I'm so happy. It's been no fun sitting in the commentary box in shorts, flippers and snorkel - even if the girls love it - and trench foot has set in which is very uncomfortable."
As the sun shone through the clouds this morning, singer Cliff Richards was seen storming from Centre Court mumbling: "Rain my arse - and that's exactly where they can stuff my medley!"
A spokesman from the Met Office said: "The rain that has graced the courts of SW19 looks set to hold off so I'm afraid it looks like a poor three days of uninterrupted play ahead - so for those who don't like the sun I'd bugger off to Hull or Sheffield. It's still soaking up there.
"I'm sad to say it looks like they'll have to put our brolleys away and watch hour upon hour of sweaty sporty types hitting balls all over the place. They can't complain though - they've had a good run of wet weather the last 10 days."