Star tennis player Serena Williams slogged her way to a two nil victory at tennis against Gordon Brown today, despite having dropped a hot cheese fondue on her calf during a car chase the night before.
The afflicted leg was wrapped in string and newspaper for the match but ball boy Kevin Webster, 80 years old, revealed this evening the details of a conversation he overheard between Serena and a man dressed up as an enormous biro after he followed them to a local bowling alley, where they celebrated her victory with fanta, chips and the singing of sea shanties.
Serena was heard to speculate that the pain of her cheesed leg "focused" her mind to the point that it actually improved, rather than hindered her game, and as such, plans to inflict various minor injuries as listed below on herself to ensure she sails through the upcoming rounds to the final.
- scalding the shoulder
- recieve headbutt from goat
- stub toe
- sever least necessary arm
Tennis officials are said to be "rummaging" through "bits of paper".