Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 26 June 2007

image for Henman/Moya Clash Ends In Tame Score Draw
A man playing tennis

At Wimbledon yesterday, Tim Henman, the 'so nearly man' of British tennis, so nearly overcame Spain's Senor Carlos Moya before the match ended 5-5 in a gripping 5-set first round encounter.

The only surviving British hope in the Mens Singles competition after Scot Andy Murray hurt his wrist masturbating, Henman took the first set before being hammered 6-1. He so nearly won the third, but ended up losing it 7-5, then stormed back in the fourth, winning it 6-2 to set up an exciting sphincter-nipping final set.

Henman so nearly lost the match when the slippery Spaniard broke his serve in the second game, but the British no.2, ever the professional, had his tools to repair it, and was back on court in no time to level things at 2-2.

Both players gave everything they had, and, in the end, proved inseparable. Despite scoring four more goals apiece, the match ended in a 5-5 draw, and will be replayed today between the torrents of rain.

Elsewhere, the rain was again the only winner, and the Pools Panel sat in June for the first time ever. Thirty games were called off due to the bad weather, of which seven were score draws, and four were no-score draws. Dividends are very good, with a possible Jackpot.

Henman told the aging BBC ex-tennis player turned TV sports presenter Sue Barker:

"You're rubbish on Question Of Sport. Even David Coleman was better!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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