Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 26 June 2007

image for Lewis Hamilton Implicated In Driving Licence Scam
His other car's a Ford Retina

Lewis Hamilton, the Motor Racing wonderkid, arrived home from the US Grand Prix last week, not to adoring fans, but to an unwelcome visit from the local constabulary who wanted to see his driving credentials, and to know why he has been consistently absent from school.

Hamilton, 14, is currently top of the World Championship table, after winning both the Canadian and US races, but has been falling behind in his studies, and his absence from his desk has caused concern to his teachers.

Headteacher Leslie Scoggins of Silverstone High School, said:

"We want Lewis to do well, and this 'Motor Racing fad' is getting in the way of his education. If he's not careful, he's going to find himself behind the other children. Without good GCSE grades, what's he going to do when he leaves school?"

Hamilton also has other worries. The recently exposed Driving Test scam seems to have Hamilton amongst its victims. The McLaren driver, who has taken the Motor Racing world by storm, is under investigation by the Driving Standards Agency (DSA) for paying his best mate 'Fernando' to take the test for him.

If found guilty, any subsequent ruling against him could drastically affect the standings in this year's championship, which he leads by ten points going into Sunday's French Grand Prix.

Williams team boss Frank Williams has described Hamilton as "superhuman", and believes that he may be a cyborg modelled on the Steve Austin character in the 1970s TV series The Six Million Dollar Man.

The DSA is currently studying a retina scan to see if Hamilton has bionic sight.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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