England new boy Ryan Sidebottom has been axed from all forms of international cricket due to claims that he is a pirate
Ryan 'Scurvy' Sidebottom has today been told that he can no longer play international cricket, as he has been found to be an internationally wanted pirate.
Sidebottom, or 'Scurvy' as he is known on the pirate scene, has committed multiple felons including the capture of sailing boats.
Chairman of selectors, David Graveney, told reporters that Ryan was unable to play in the forthcoming One Day Internationals, and would be unavailable for selection, as the ECB hold a strong 'No Pirates' rule.
Sidebottom himself responded by saying: "Shiver me timbers, I am as upset as a seal with no penguins. It be true. Yarr"
MI6 Detectives first spotted Sidebottom when he was lifted from county cricket obscurity into the international arena. A spokesman said "The hair gave it away".
By Will Atkins at Lord's