Written by Hugh Plonnka
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Friday, 15 June 2007

image for Murray and Federer Pull Out Of Wimbledon
Wimbledon, where Murray and Federer are expected to play. With each other.

London, Friday - The tennis world was left reeling from revelations from the camps of both Andy Murray and Roger Federer on Friday.

It has been well documented that Murray has been plagued with injury this season and is leaving his decision to play at the All England Club until the last possible moment. But as far as everyone knew, Federer, who doesn't bother playing at Queen's Club, has had no injury problems.

However, that whole issue is the furthest from the tennis world's minds at this time following a statement issued by the solicitor of curvy, blonde, West End lap dancer Kelli Wimbledon, alleging that the two players have served up a double fault.

Speaking on behalf of Wimbledon, Gordon Rippov said "Last night (Thursday) I'd finished dancing at the club when these two guys came up to me and asked me for a private dance at their hotel.

"I found them odd, because one of them was as boring as fu... was boring, and the other had a sexy French accent, or something.

"They said they had money so they took me back to the Hilton and I did a lap dance for both of them.

"Then the boring one asked me if I was up for some 'backdoor action'. I said 'of course I am as long as the money's right' so he pulled out a wad of notes and asked 'is that enough?'

"[Ms Wimbledon then counted the money and agreed it was enough.]

"But then the Frog guy asked me if I minded two at once, and I said I didn't but I wanted another thousand, which he gave me in cash.

"So then we went at it, and just as I was starting to enjoy myself, they both pulled out!

"Then they literally pushed me out the door, and while I was getting changed I heard the boring one screaming like a girl, as the French one groaned, so God alone knows what they were up to."

Both Federer and Murray are reportedly 'unavailable' for comment.

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