David Beckham is in training to produce the world's first trans-atlantic free-kick, according to sources at his new club L.A Galaxy, thus removing the need for him to travel to Europe to represent his country.
The "exciting" new plans were announced yesterday by Alexi LaLa, former chin model and current director of soccer at L.A Galaxy. He explained the "logic" behind Galaxy's new tactics: "Of course we're delighted that David is once again representing Britain. He is truly one of the great netball players of all time and we wanna give him all the support we can. But, of course, flights to the nation of London are going to take a physical toll on David, who may then be unable to hold up our sponsors' products. This way he can just tap in his conversions from here, whenever his team need him, then get back to smiling and turning up at premieres."
LaLa told journalists that Beckham had already begun training at swinging corners in from a distance of 12,320,000 yards. The ex-England captain is said to have so far managed twenty, a figure LaLa regarded as "great, fantastic, just really, really great. What did you say?"
Beckham's wife, Lady Victoria, is said to be supportive of the plans; however she has expressed regret at losing out on all those air-mile points, which she was hoping to use to buy a new tit.