Written by Warren Redlich
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Thursday, 7 June 2007

image for Bush trades Statue of Liberty to EU; Ron Paul to Canada
She's looking for Ron Paul, but can't find him

The Statue of Liberty was traded to the European Union yesterday. In return the US will receive a number of minor league European relics, including antiquities from Greece and the Auschwitz museum. As part of the deal, Ron Paul will be shipped to Canada.

US President George W. Bush described the trade as important to enhance US competitiveness in the upcoming Olympics in Beijing: "We have to restore our unity and maintain our national identity through relephant [sic] stuff. Sending the Statue away shows this administration's unity with those guys on Capitol Hill on the immigration issue. They don't want those people coming here no more, so the Statue doesn't fit."

Conservative commentator Pat Buchanan applauded the move, especially the US getting the Auschwitz museum, "because this shows those who would violate our laws that we're prepared to get tough and do what's necessary to protect our homeland from those who are different." Buchanan added that this more accurately reflects new policies in the US since 9/11, including Homeland Security, the Patriot Act, and the Guantanamo Tribunals.

There was no explanation as to why Ron Paul was traded to Canada provided by the administration. Paul was unavailable for comment as he's currently being held at the Auschwitz's museum's new location on Ellis Island, pending his move to Canada. Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper had no official comment, but he did say Ron Paul would be welcomed with open arms.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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