Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 7 June 2007

image for England Deal Crushing Blow To Baltic Oiks
Police made several arrests for thuggery

England football manager Steve McClanger was "over the moon" this morning after his team systematically dismantled Estonia in their Euro 2008 qualifier in Tallinn.

In a scintillating display, England ran out 3-0 winners, but had so many chances, they can count themselves unlucky not to have won by at least 20-0. They were superior in every department, including their kit - the splendid red and white away strip - and fans, with more than 3,000 seasoned thugs making the trip.

Joe Cole opened the scoring on 37 minutes when he turned on a sixpence and drove home a beautiful shot. Further second-half goals from 8-foot Peter Crouch and wonderkid Michael Owen wrapped it up for England long before the end, enabling the England fans to go out into the streets and terrorise the unsuspecting local oiks. Police made several arrests for thuggery.

McClanger told the BBC's Gary Lineker:

"We crushed the bastards. We were all over them. We're brilliant. We're gonna win the World Cup!"

John Mental, of Chelsea Headhunters, said:

"We crushed the bastards. We were all over them. We're brilliant."

England are fourth in Group E behind other giants of World football Croatia, Israel and Russia.

McClanger said:

"We'll crush those bastards as well!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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