Written by Andy Tattersall
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: England, Zimbabwe

Wednesday, 4 February 2004

The ECB have admitted that they're shocked over Zimbabwe's decision to pull out of their series which was to be held in the winter.

Chairman of the Zimbabwe Cricket Union, Peter Chingoka said that their decision had been made on moral grounds due to England's poor human rights record over the last century.

Chingoka said: "We don't want these people coming to this country considering how they've treated the rest of the world. Their record speaks for itself; they have abused one human right or another on every continent on the planet.

Everyone knows about how've they've behaved in the past with their colonial attitude to other nations. I'd trust them as much as I'd trust Graham Thorpe with my girlfriend", he added.

Speaking on Radio Four's Today Programme, England's Chair of Selectors David Graveney said: "OK, we had concentration camps in the Boer War, but that was Lord Kitchener not us. What we did was merely confined to the crappy parts of the world, and they were probably asking for it."

Graveney added: "We really need a team that we can be confident of thrashing overseas and considering the state of their cricket we were a sure bet for a full-on victory. I've now got to go to the bookies and reclaim that fifty pounds I'd bet on Graeme Hick making a shock comeback to play against his mother country."

Graveny went on: "We used to be able to thrash most other teams, but India and Sri Lanka have got better, it's not safe to play Pakistan and New Zealand is just too plain far away to go for a crowd of fifty people and a goat, and that goes for the West Indies except the goat is usually roasting on a spit.

We need South Africa to get banned from world cricket again and as for the Aussies - we might as well save our air fairs."

The chairman of selectors finished by saying: "All we can hope for is that Scotland or Holland are allowed into the Test arena very soon."

Zimbabwe had been expected to host three Test matches and two day-nighters which were to be lit up thanks to the flames of nearby burning farms.

Make Andy Tattersall's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 plus 5?

7 24 9 10
115 readers are online right now!

Go to top