Written by The Jackal
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Tuesday, 15 May 2007

Mark Viduka's agent today described his 'despair' as 'Boro ace Viduka piled on the pounds. Since the end of the 2006/2007 season, Viduka has put on 1 stone a day, and shows no sign of stopping.

The sulky Aussie is weighing up whether to stay with Boro, or to join Manchester City, home of two other porkers, Richard Dunne and Nicky Weaver. "It's a tough decision" snuffled Viduka as he wiped some jam from his mouth. "Gregg's head office isn't far from here, but there's bound to be some decent bakers in the North West, maybe I'll check with Sammy Lee" he might have added.

Viduka, 36, recently broke the unofficial North East 100 metres record when running to McDonalds at half time during the recent Fulham match. He ordered 3 big Macs with a Hamburger chaser, washed down with a gallon of pop.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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