The Australian cricket team's tour of Zimbabwe has been cancelled on the orders of Prime Minister John Howard. The despotic regime of President Robert Mugabe has been given as the official reason, though, unofficially, there may be other forces at work...
Sources close to the Australian team have said that many of the players have refused to take part in the tour on the basis that "there is no good beer in Zimbabwe".
Aussie team manager Merv Hughes, who has sideboards longer than the one in your living room, said:
"The nectar's as quirky as a Pommie on noiny noin."
Shane Warne, the overweight Aussie spinner, told reporters at an unofficial news conference at the Flip Flop Bar in Sydney:
" The boys loik a few tinnies arfter the game, and sometimes, durin it. Y' can't be neckin' this African pisswater - y' liable t' ged a tammy ache!"
Cricket bosses in Australia considered having home-brewed beer sent to Zimbabwe for the tour, but a shipping tanker big enough could not be found in time. The team will, instead, lounge around swimming pools at home.
Team captain Ricky Ponting, said:
President Mugabe looked unconcerned, saying: