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Monday, 14 May 2007

image for Ballack and Kahn - German Footballers are Dildos
Dildo with balls

German footballers Micheal Ballack and Oliver Kahn were today celebrating after being awarded 50.000 eauros each over claims that they resemble large dildo's.

A German sex toy company had produced World Cup vibrators named after the pair. The vibrators featured the footballers images and were a sell-out during the final.

Ballack commented, "I could understand if my name was Bollock, that would be fair game, but it's Ballack, I don't understand why they thought my face on a dildo would be a selling point."

The sex toy company concerned today apologised to both players for not consulting them before creating the popular playthings. A spokesman commented, "We did a poll on which players were most associated with Dildo's and they both came up time and time again."

The company will now switch to less controversial players for new Dildo ideas with the "Rooney" in production, described as a big, lumpy vibrator which is happy in any orifice and the "Beckham" which looks good but actually gives a crap performance.

The "Maradonna" was withdrawn after women complained that it was so useless they would rather just use their hands.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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