Written by The Jackal
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Monday, 14 May 2007

Wigan Chairman Dave Whelan was unavailable for comment after his sides miraculous victory at Sheffield United. Whelan, 82, was said to have gone number blind & delirious due to counting the £40 Million that Sheff Utd had lost due to not being able to beat former Rotherham reserve goalkeeper, Mike Pollitt.

According to a spokesman, "Mr Whelan has mysteriously lost any interest in any Carlos Tevez related law suit, and cannot make any comment due to the fact that he and Paul Jewell are currently drinking the entire contents of Oddbins in St Helens bone dry. In between drinking, they are too busy laughing to do anything else"

Friar Tuck-a-like Jewell had only recently lost 'Most annoying Premiership Manager' to Warnock, but will now be crowned at an awards ceremony in Prestatyn.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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