Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 4 May 2007

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An administrator arrives at Elland Road this afternoon

Former Premiership football club Leeds United have called in the administrators. The club, recently relegated yet again, will be punished severely according to Football League rules, and will start next season in League One with -10 points.

Shocked fans on the clubs website were livid.

"Eyup!" wrote one, whilst another expressed total disbelief, saying:

"Arl go t' foot of ar stairs!"

There was widespread condemnation of the management at Elland Road where Champions League football was played just a few short years ago.

"Arm reet disgruntled!" complained Ernest Ostlethwaite, 68, who said he has been going along to Leeds games since 1919.

It's not all bad news for the Yorkshiremen though. After the Leeds United Supporters Trust (great name!) backed out of a proposed bid to buy the club, supermarket, clothing, banking and insurance giant Tesco has nobly stepped in with its own offer.

It's thought that this is the latest in a series of moves to undermine Asda, the Leeds-based organisation. Early rumours suggest that a new SuperTesco might be built on the Elland Road car park so that the few people who might possibly turn up to watch the shambolic state of affairs unfold next season, might have somewhere to go when Leeds inevitably go one down.

Coining the tired Tesco catchphrase, Leeds chairman Ken Beast said mournfully:

"In our position, Every Little Helps."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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