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Friday, 4 May 2007

Tony La Russa, veteran manager of the St. Louis Cardinals, announced just hours ago that he will be leaving St. Louis to join the cast of the award winning, HBO, Sopranos TV series. La Russa will appear in the final four encore episodes of the Sopranos series set to air in September, as gangster Pauley Walnut's cousin, Lorenzo.

Lorenzo, a liquor truck hijacker on the run from the law, and being secretly hidden by Pauley at mob boss, Tony Soprano's Bada Bing strip club, will draw the wrath of Soprano in the first episode. Each succeeding episode will build tension between the two with events climaxing in the final show.

"This is a lot like being a major league baseball manager," said La Russa. "You have to scowl a lot and intimidate everyone, and lie when the feds come around to bust your players."

La Russa said he is looking forward to clearing up the misunderstanding that occurred in Jupiter, Florida this spring when he was charged with DUI.

"I thought the public intoxication level was a lot higher in Florida, like it is in my home state of California. All I was doing was taking a nap in my Ford Explorer, and the cops busted me," La Russa complained.

Police reports from the scene indicated that La Russa was found asleep and drooling in his vehicle which was sitting in the center of a four way stop with the engine running, transmission in gear, and La Russa's foot on the brake. The police report, filed by two veteran officers of the Jupiter Police Department, stated that when awakened and asked to blow into an intoxication meter, La Russa became belligerent, grabbed a fungo bat and waived it about, and screamed, "I'm heterosexual you damn queers!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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