Written by CrazyTexan
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Topics: Super Bowl

Friday, 23 January 2004

image for NFL: Internal Memo Says Super Bowl Rigged
Paul Tagliabu

Sources today revealed an internal NFL memo, which picks the Super Bowl XXXVIII champion before the game is even played.

According to the memo, NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabu chose which teams would win in the playoff games based on a variety of factors. The teams were picked based on demographics, television ratings, focus group studies and other statistical information.

Referees help the winning team, and players on the opposite team are paid thousands to drop balls and miss tackles. The quarterbacks are specifically paid to throw interceptions and incomplete passes.

"Peyton was a success," states the memo. Apparently Peyton Manning was paid three million dollars to throw the game against the Patriots, with a guarantee from the league for another playoff run.

"An event of this magnitude can never be left to chance," the commissioner reminds his staff. "We must carefully control each facet of the game from the fireworks to the winning touchdown pass."

While the memo does not reveal the winner of the upcoming Super Bowl, it lists which referees in the upcoming game are being paid, and how much.

Calls to the NFL commissioner's office were not returned.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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