Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 30 April 2007

image for Bolton Wanderers: Big Sam, Little Sam
Sammy Lee, far right, on the training ground

Bolton Wanderers have announced that little Sammy Lee has been appointed as the club's new manager as the replacement for outgoing boss Sam Allardyce. The Lancashire side's reluctance to hire anyone not called Sam, underlines the peculiar individuality of a team that plays its unlovely football 'at the top of the world'.

The Reebok Stadium is situated more than 9,000 feet above sea level, higher than Mexico City, and the air is so thin, that visiting teams often have difficulty breathing, and tend to lose.

The new manager told reporters that he was excited at landing the job, but confessed that he would probably now have to give up his paper round. Lee, at 13, still only 3 feet 8 inches tall, stood on a box as he answered media questions.

The ex-Liverpool and England international will take over with immediate effect and says he has no plans to sign any players until he can read and write properly, or at least until he can do so to GCSE standard.

Bolton chairman Phil Gartside, who has plumped for a 'Big Sam, Little Sam' approach, said:

"He's only a little lad, but he'll learn. Just give him a chance. Now, let him get on - he's got some homework to hand in tomorrow morning."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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