Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 30 April 2007

image for Leeds United: A Lifeline?
Those Yorkshiremen!

Leeds United, relegated from football's Championship at the weekend, were this morning handed an incredible lifeline by the Football Association for their never-say-die attitude at the end of Saturday's 1-1 draw with Ipswich Town.

With only three minutes of stoppage time left to play, and with the scores level, Leeds, not fancying the drop into League One, went to Plan B and ordered their fans onto the pitch in a vain attempt to avoid visits to places like Walsall and Hartlepool next season.

Like a well-executed set play, hundreds of thousands of die-hard, craggy-faced Yorkshiremen ambled across the playing surface and stood talking in groups with their pints and greyhounds.

The referee took the players off for a well-earned cup of Yorkshire Tea, and only when the determined fans had left for home to see Doctor Who on TV, did play resume.

A spokesman at the FA said:

"This is just the type of grit and determination that has been lacking since football violence went out of the game. They deserve another chance.
We have awarded Leeds United a BONUS POINT which will, hopefully help in their fight against relegation."

The extra point, in reality, means nothing because Leeds are rubbish, and will still go down.

Norman 'bites your legs' Hunter, the ex-Leeds defender, who, some say, is still a thug, exemplified the stand-and-fight mentality of the club when he said:

"C'morrrn! Have a go! If tha' thinks Leeds Unarted 'r finished, tha'd better think twarse, y' Southern nancyboys!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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