Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 28 April 2007

image for West Ham Hammered By FA
West Ham get what the Big Clubs deserve

West Ham United, amazingly still in the Premier League, have been hit by a massive fine over irregularities concerning the transfers of Argentinian players Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano.

The club, known as the Hammers, were hammered with a £5.5million fine and a ban on the sale of inflatable plastic hammers at their Upton Park ground.

Owner of the East London club, Eggnog Magnusson, complained that if Manchester United or Chelsea had committed these 'heinous acts', rather than the Hammers, they might have escaped with a far lighter fine.

FA Chief Executive Brian Barstool agreed:

"Of course. They are Big Clubs. We can't really afford to upset the Big Boys. We would probably have sanctioned a token £15,000 fine. It's normal. We're as bent as a nine-bob note."

To rub salt into their wound, Tevez was fined £100,000 and given a one-match suspended sentence for being "grossly overweight", and may yet suffer further punishment as a result of a new FA rule banning players from wearing women's hairbands.

Sir Trevor Brooking a lifelong Hammer, now going senile, commented on the FA ruling, saying:

"Yes...it seems...unfair. Big clubs often...get smaller...mmm fines...but...West Ham...have to...mmm concentrate...on staying in the...Premier League. It's all...a matter of...mumble mumble...mumble."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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