Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 26 April 2007

image for Champions League Final Venue To Be Switched - Possibly
Carlisle is hidden in these mountains

UEFA, the governing body of European football, has hinted that they are reconsidering the venue for this year's Champion's League final.

The Final, currently set to be staged in Athens, may be changed if the match turns out to be an all-English affair.

In the first semi-final, Melchester United beat Italian cowards AC Milan 3-2, and with the other tie between Liverpool and Chelsea, an English final looks on the cards.

The reason for the proposed change is thought to be that UEFA wants to eliminate the possibility of English hooligans having a good time and breaking things on the continent.

To boot, a Melchester United appearance in the showcase of European football, would see the biggest presence of flared jeans-wearing, scarf-bedecked vagrants on the European mainland since United's last Champion's League Final back in 2001.

UEFA is also keen to keep Liverpool's army of thieves on English soil, as well as Chelsea' notorious Headhunters, all of whom are now drawing old-age Pensions.

With this in mind, the English FA has been asked to suggest an alternative venue for the match, so that the minimum amount of trouble could be expected. They have come up with isolated Brunton Park, at the very, very top of the world, and home to League One side Carlisle United.

FA Chief Executive Brian Barstool told a Press conference:

"There'll be no problem there. It's such a warzone already, that any trouble will go unnoticed, and there is little or nothing to nick in Carlisle."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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