In what some might describe as a bold move, Chelsea supremo Roman Abramovich today sent a letter of intent to every Premiership club offering to buy all of their players, including the suspect ones, with the exception of Kevin Kilbane, whom he doesn't rate.
It was put to the crazy Kosak that while there where no laws in place to prevent the bids, he can only have a squad of 24 players. The mental case replied "We already have a full squad here at the club but there's plenty to do around the place. The kitchen is a mess and I know that Jay Jay Okocha fancies himself as a bit of a cook, he could face competition for places though from messer's Pires and Henry who also consider themselves dab hands at the stove, ha ha."
The idea was born from a metting between Abramovich and Ranieri, the clubs manager. Ranieri presented Roman with a shortlist of 10 players he'd like to have in his squad. Ranieri stated in a dodgy accent "I gave Roman the list and he said I'll have him, and him, him, him too, oh I defo have him and him, he's not great but lets get him anyway, him, and her(refering to the beautiful Robbie Savage). Then I said why don't we just buy everyone, ha ha ha.He said OK."
When asked if a monthly wage bill in the region of 14.4 Million would be a problem for the club Abramovich said "I have 18 pairs of solid gold trousers, 4 diamond cars and a unicorn, what do you think?"