Written by Lee Wyatt
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Friday, 20 April 2007

image for Blair will sign for Newcastle after downing street.
Newcastles Kit Lady, Dot Cotton.

Newcastle United have today confirmed that Prime Minister Tony Blair will wear the famous number nine jersey next season.

Blair, who is a lifelong Newcastle fan, will be hired by manager Glenn Roeder to make the half time teas.

The deal was almost scuppered when Mr Blair refused to sign unless he was allowed to wear the famous shirt.

"Tony will be joining us as teaboy next season" confirmed Roeder. "It was touch and go when he asked to wear the shirt, but after a meeting with Dot Cotton, our head of laundry it was decided that despite milk splashes, it wouldn't be a problem".

Ms Cotton, who lives with husband Jim Branning in Albert Square, Walford E1, was unavailable for comment however a spokesman for the laundrette state "despite the extra work this would cause for Ms Cotton and her colleagues, she has been given assurances by the Newcastle Utd board of directors that Mr Blair would be a competent tea maker and there would be minimum cleaning of his shirt required".

When asked why he decided to sign for the magpies, Mr Blair Said "Cos George told me too".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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