Written by Doug Powers

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Topics: Beer, Tigers

Monday, 19 January 2004

image for Detroit Tigers sign pitcher... of beer -- "Whoops", according to club President Dombrowski
Despite the horrendous signing error, management still expects the Tigers new pitcher, above, to start opening day

"I guess we really should first meet face to face with players we're signing, before we sign them", according to Detroit Tigers President, David Dombrowski.

The red-faced Tigers executive was referring to a recent embarrassing incident. Club executives were meeting at a restaurant, when they happened to overhear that there was an available pitcher. In a fit of desperation and scotch & soda's, they offered a 5-year deal worth a reported $48 million to what turned out to be a spouted, handled beer container.

The announcement comes hot on the heels of an earlier embarrassing incident. Shortly after the Tigers finished the 2003 season with 119 losses, the club was told that a durable, consistent and rugged catcher had become available. Without looking, they signed the catcher, which turned out to be a dog catcher.

"Yeah, that was another time we should have done a little more background checking," Said Tigers Manager Alan Trammell.

Despite that, this pitcher is the first the Tigers have acquired in some time to show some promise. It went 5-3 in a dozen starts for the New York Mets last season.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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