Written by Pointer
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Topics: NFL

Wednesday, 11 April 2007

image for NFL Issues New Stricter Penalties!
Binding and gagging will now be a five yard penalty

In the wake of professional football players' charges for crimes and misdemeanors that come close to rivaling President Bush, league officials have released a stricter code of conduct. Possession of a deadly weapon is now punished by 5 yards and the loss of the down, Assault and battery off the field is equivalent to a ten yard loss. On the field A&B will still be encouraged.

Rape is now a full fifteen yard personal foul and murder now causes loss of their ball to the other team unless they have a murderer on the field as well. Some officials would have levied the murder penalty even if the teams had a killer on the bench but most realized this would disqualify most NFL teams.

Referre union officials are objecting since they don't think they can keep track of all the civil and criminal offenses. Is there a statute of limitations? What about Hate crimes? and Is a helmet a deadly weapon? were all questions union reps were seeking answers to.

Meanwhile NFL scouts are suspending their recruiting on the campuses of state colleges and federal penitentiaries.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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