Written by Jack Battler
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Topics: Tiger Woods, Golf

Monday, 9 April 2007

image for Tiger Woods confirms his divinity
Tiger Woods

AUGUSTA, GEORGIA--Tiger Woods denied rumors today that he is, after all, only a human being. The unrelenting string of questions challenging his divinity comes on the heels of a narrow loss at the Masters Golf tournament at Augusta, Georgia, which ended Sunday.

"The doubting Thomas' of the sports media will soon be singing my praises as usual when all of this is forgotten in the upcoming tide of wins I'm planning for later this year," Woods said. "The bottom line is that it was Easter Sunday… there were hundreds of millions of people praying to me at the same time I was trying to play in a very tough tournament. Can you imagine trying to stay focused under conditions like that? It doesn't mean I'm not God… and those who are disappointed that I did not win should remember; I created Zach Johnson, so in effect - I DID win!

"I do work in mysterious ways sometimes," laughed Tiger. "I'm actually quite pleased that I have learned to control my temper better. A few years ago I got frustrated during a match and accidentally destroyed New Orleans with a hurricane. This past weekend -- nothing but a mild rainshower over Albuquerque."

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