Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 4 April 2007

image for Manchester United Fans Face Trouble In Rome
Pick one up and throw it at a United fan

Reports on the official Manchester United website this morning predict trouble for fans travelling to tonight's Champions League tie at the Stadio Olympico in Rome.

Roman Centurions, it says, will keep United supporters at the arena for 90 minutes after the game has ended, to facilitate their stoning by home fans, and may even release a lion onto the terracing.

Italians, who are thought by many to be cowards, like to throw stones, particularly when there is no danger of getting hurt themselves, but stonings do not usually last more than an hour, and police expect all but the most seriously hurt United fans to be back on their buses by midnight.

The travelling Red Army has been a thorn in the paw of many a European Police Force over the years, not least when an unruly mob of bingo-mad old pensioner women rioted after refusing to stump up the cash for overpriced cups of tea in Istanbul in 2001.

Richard Plank, an official United Supporters Club member whose favourite player is Crustiano Retardo, said in an email:

"I'm really worried, but I love United so much, I'll travel to the game anyway. I'd go anywhere to see my heroes. I really love their little white shorts."

Reds boss Alice Ferguson said:

"Nuthan' will stop these fans. They're stupid!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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