Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 2 April 2007

image for Manchester United Star Boots Ball Into Fan's Face
Iro is part-Irish

Manchester United's grotesque England international defender Iro Andfriend, who is part-Irish, is in hot water with Police after an unsavoury incident with a member of the Old Trafford crowd.

The incident, which came during the second half of United's game with Blackburn Rovers last Saturday, saw Andfriend violently kick the ball into a group of spectators that were 'giving him a hard time'.

One of the staunch fans, Elsie Tatter from Weatherfield, was hit full in the face. Her false teeth were damaged, and make-up dislodged.

John Urinal, who was sitting two rows behind the injured fan, told how Mrs Tatter and her group had been heckling the United stars.

"She was moaning an' mithering", he said. "Rooney this, Retardo that. Giggs this, Ferdinand that. Then Iro let fly. It was his best moment in the whole bloody game. Her teeth flew over my shoulder."

Andfriend, who has the worst harelip in the Premiership, and the most ridiculous hairstyle, is nicknamed Jar Jar Binks after the Star Wars character of the same looks.

When told, Binks was said to be "horrified" that his looks had been compared to the United star's.

"I'll sue", he said.

Mr Andfriend once played for Leeds United, and, despite leaving Elland Road in an unprecedented show of traitorship, is still loved at the West Yorkshire club.

Whites fan Anton Ihateferdinand, said:

"He's like a brother to me. On his enormous salary, you shouldn't have to take that kind of slating from fat, mithering old slags."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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