Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 29 March 2007

image for David Nugent No Gent In Nou Camp Netting Nuisance
Defoe feels he should be credited with the goal

There was more trouble for beleaguered manager Malcolm McClaren in Spain last night, even after his under-pressure England team had trounced Andorra 3-0 in the Nou Camp.

McClaren, in a post-match interview, said the game had been "difficult", "hard" and "not easy", which all mean the same thing, before having to deal with a dressing room bust-up over who scored the third goal on the stroke of full time.

Little Tottenham striker Jermaine Defoe slid the ball past Andorran keeper Alvarez, but David Nugent ran in to toepoke the ball over the line for his first goal in international football.

Video replays failed to sort out whether or not the ball had already crossed the line, and the 'discussion' carried on in the showers after the final whistle.

Nugent, on his debut, had already missed a 'sitter', and was desperate to make a good impression. He saw nothing wrong in stealing someone else's goal as it trickled into the net.

Defoe, meanwhile, in a typically topical tirade, moaned to reporter Garth Crooks, the BBC blowfish, that he felt like a white man's slave, and that the goal belonged to him, saying:

"I did all the hard work, and eez just poached it in the line an' taken all the credit."

Crooks, who can inflate his head to 4000lbs per square inch (psi) to make his eyes pop out, asked the Spurs hitman about the atmosphere in the England camp after the run of bad results continued with this one.

Defoe looked crestfallen.

"It should have been my goal", he said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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