Written by Tom Taylor
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Wednesday, 28 March 2007

image for Frank Lampard Can't Kick a Ball Due to Sore Hand, "How Convenient" Says Gerrard.
"How can I be expected to kick a ball without these."

Frank Lampard, who hasn't scored a goal for England since 2005, is out of the England squad... due to a sore hand.

The hand has been described by Lampard as "a bit Ouchy". Despite their being no break, or even any bruising, the midfielder maintains that there is "no way I could kick a ball with such a sore hand."

Many people have been calling for Lampard to be dropped from the side due to some abysmal performances for his country and due to the fact that he gets in the way of the truly talented Steven Gerrard. However, it has been politically hard to do so; enter Wayne Rooney.

Rooney manged to hit a ball straight into the sub - par midfielder's hand causing it to 'hurt' and ruling him out of England's crucial match against Andorra.

According to Steven Gerrard "It was a great idea... I mean... it was a terrible blow for England. If we do go on to win tonight, it will be for Frank's hand!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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