Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 28 March 2007

image for Chinese Table Tennis Latest
Last orders, please!

There was real excitement last night at the 2007 Chinese National Table Tennis Championships in Beijing, in front of a sell-out crowd.

The third round of the tournament provided some real upsets, with the top two seeds being ejaculated from the competition by previously unknown players.

Top seed Dim Sum was taken to task by rank outsider Li Ping Pong who battled hard to win 21-19, 18-21, 21-17 to set up a semi-final spot with Wild Card qualifier, and world-ranked number 28894 Ed Foo Yung. Yung beat one of the tournament favourites, Manchester-born Kung Foo Kidd 21-16, 21-17 in just over four hours of top-class attacking play which had the crowd on the edge of their patience.

In the other half of the draw, Chi Ken Chow Mein struggled gamely, but was eventually outsmarted by much-fancied Bif Won Ton 21-6, 21-18.
The last pairing saw another giant-killing shock with number 2 seed Fu King Shi' losing 17-21, 21-14, 16-21 to Low Da Kak in a battle of gargantuan proportions that had fans gasping with boredom.

Kak sealed victory when Shi' missed with his trademark shot, a triple Chop Suey with back twisting somersault, which is reminiscent of something you'd expect to see on the pavement after nightclubs have shut.

The championships continue today, with the final on Sunday evening just after last orders.

Last year's champion, Pok Sa Tay, reporting for Chinese TV, acknowledged the high standards of play when he said:

"You want lice or flies?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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