Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 27 March 2007

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The banana skin that is 'Andorra'

Wayne Rooney and England manager Steve McClaren have had a tiff, and it's not about football. They've been arguing about whether or not Rooney's Manchester United team mate Crustiano Retardo is gay.

Retardo, the subject of allegations earlier in the week of being 'as bent as a nine bob note', has not responded, but McClaren is known to loathe homosexuality, and says it has no place in the modern game.

"It's like the back pass", he said yesterday, "and an indirect free kick should be awarded."

McClaren still blames the Portuguese poofter for England's exit from last year's World Cup in Germany, after he got Rooney sent off. Retardo told the referee that the England striker had "touched him up", as well as having "caressed" Ricardo Carvalho's balls, and the ref showed Rooney the red card.

Rooney swapped insults with the England boss after Saturday's heavy draw with minnows Israel. Rooney called McClaren a "bully", with the gaffer labelling the ugly striker "a big girl's blouse". McClaren's position is thought to be in danger after the poor result, and this latest incident with, arguably, England's best and ugliest player, won't have helped his predicament.

The two have now made up with a kiss and a cuddle, and both are raring to go after the big guns of Andorra on Wednesday.

What a couple of tossers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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