Written by The Watch Dog
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Sunday, 25 March 2007

image for ESPN Error Replaces Figure Skating Broadcast With Test Pattern: Viewership Quadruples.
I think I stepped in something.

A programming error last night caused ESPN's broadcast of the World Figure Skating Championship to be replaced with a test pattern. Even more shocking was the quadrupling of Viewership for ESPN during this time slot.

Mark Malone, Vice President of Programming for ESPN said "This was quite a shock. We knew that no one outside of a few surley women really cared about our figure skating broadcasts. We show figure skating as a way to convince wives not to use the V-Chip to block ESPN from their husbands. However, what happened last night could cause us to change our programming policy."

Mr. Malone speculated that in the future, ESPN's broadcasting of test patterns might be subject to commercial breaks. "Advertisers saw the overnight rating spike and are clamoring to buy commercial time on all our future test pattern broadcasts."

Dr. Naomi Palumbo, Dean of the School of Journalism and Creative Fiction Writing at the University of Texas-Del Rio had this to say: "Our studies always showed that figure skating was invariably one of the lowest rated TV sports in terms of TV Viewership. It ranks just behind curling and reruns of American Gladiator, but slightly ahead of golf power driving. I understand that Rupert Murdoch's News Corp already has plans for an all test pattern cable television network in the works."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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