Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 19 March 2007

image for England World Cup Cricket Bid Already On The Rocks
Flintoff is at first slip, with Bell at second

The England cricket team will face up to their tricky qualifying group match against Kenya on Saturday, bolstered by the return of Andrew Flintoff, after his one-match ban yesterday against Canada.

Flintoff and five other players were involved in a "night of drunken debauchery" culminating in an unsavoury incident with the England vice-captain capsizing a pedalo and getting into serious difficulties.
The St Lucia Lifeboat Service launched a flimsy raft, and the disgraced reveller was plucked out of the water, still singing "Rule Britannia", minus his underpants.

Captain Vaughan, of the SS Nohope, said:

"The officer concerned has been stripped of his rank, and will, from this point forward, be known as 'Mr. Flintoff'.
He has apologised to myself and the rest of the crew, and the matter will now be dealt with by the Admiralty on our return to Englande."

Others involved in the sinking were thought to be Able Semen Anderson, Plunkett and Lewis, as well as Bosun Bell and Midshipman Nixon, who also keeps wicket.
None of these were available for comment, recovering, as they were, from varying degrees of seasickness.

Admiral Ian Botham, who was, as usual, on hand to dish out his opinion, said:

"They're just young lads exercising their right to express their English individuality. Nothing wrong with that."

Mr Nasser Hussain, who served in Her Majesty's Cricket Navy for several seasons before becoming a dancer, said:

"Well done England for finally having some good management."

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