The spiralling cost of the 2012 London Olympics has forced the British Olympic Committee (BOC) to rethink its plans with regard to the staging of certain events.
The decision by the International Olympic Committee (IOC) to award the Games to London was a shot-in-the-arm for the British economy, but the initial £3.5billion budget has already been spent, and the new estimated cost is £30billion, give or take a billion.
"IOC bribes took care of most of the original budget", said Lord Sebastian & Co.(COE), once a jogger himself, "and then there's my hefty wages!"
Even though the Games (G) are still five (5) years away, provision is being made to move some events and cancel others in a bid to save money.
Rather than build a state-of-the-art swimming complex, pool sports will be staged in the River Thames, and instead of spending £180million on a 120,000-seater stadium, track and field events will be held on local school fields.
Gymnastics have been cancelled, as Britain is no good at them, and only the events that Britain excels in - rowing, cycling and horsey ones - will definitely be retained. Shooting will, by then, take place in all major cities.
The Government will, next week, hold emergency talks to discuss which of the basic services it will extract money from in order to pay for this giant project the country has been saddled with. Education is favourite, with Health also an option - the money will most likely be spent on hospitality instead of hospitals - and the Lottery Good Causes Fund will also be decimated.
Lord & Co. told a Press conference:
"Whatever we have to do to bring this marvellous sporting occasion to these shores, we must do. Even if that means bankrupting the country for many years to come in the pursuit of more sporting failure and embarrassment.
This is going to be the best Olympic Games since the last one, and until the next one", he beamed.
"Nobody can take that away from us."