Written by Selmer
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Thursday, 15 March 2007

image for Pete Rose Admits to Betting on his Team

BRISTOL, CONN. -- On ESPN's Dan Patrick Show, Pete Rose finally admitted that not only did he bet on baseball, he bet on games involving his team, a claim which he had adamantly denied ever since the charge was first made. Rose, 66, is baseball's all time career outs leader, having been retired 10,328 times, over 1,000 more than the second place player. His last game was in 1986, although he did continue to manage until 1989.

Shortly after Rose's admission, baseball commissioner Bud Selig lifted Rose's lifetime suspension from baseball, imposed by Bart Giamatti, but noted, with a demonic chuckle, that Rose is ineligible for the Hall of Fame since his eligibilty time has run. A straw poll of the Veteran's Committee, who has yet to induct a single member, indicated that Rose has approximately a snow ball's chance of induction through that route.

Rose, eager for enshrinement, is looking for a shot at a return to the majors, to give himself another chance at the Hall of Fame. "I figure I'll start with the Giants," said Rose. "They're obviously just looking to put suckers in seats, I could join in on the Barry Bonds circus. If that doesn't work out, maybe I can get a shot with the Royals. They suck so bad, they oughta be looking for help wherever they can get it. Tampa Bay might be a good fit, too. They suck almost as bad as K.C., plus I'm still younger than most of their fans."

After mulling over his options, a confident Rose said, "I bet I can get in someplace, what kind of odds can you give me on that?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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