Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 12 March 2007

image for George Washington's flaccid flop is Holy Roman Emperor's stud fee
Gorgeous George, left, in his pre-stud duty days.

Ireland - (Rioters): Embarrassment at Ireland's top equestrian business The Coolmore Stud has reached epic proportions following the failure of last year's star three year old colt George Washington to produce more semen than a shagged-out gnat. He will be replaced as the Stud's miracle talking three year old horse by Holy Roman Emperor.

And although a range of possibilities was blamed for Washington's lack of spunk no amount of coaxing, teasing or even reasoning was ever able to solicit anything other than a partial erection or at best a teensy weensy arousal dribble.

Last year's UK 2000 Guineas winner was originally called George Bush In Washington before the name was shortened so as not to confuse legions of potentially irate anti-Iraq war punters.

Now Irish whores whisperers are blaming the unfortunate original name for an internal upset that the animal may have suffered in a suspected case of inter-equine abuse 'over his old, pansy name'.

Holy Roman Emperor was to have been the Stud's top racing contender in Europe this year but because of his pedigree will now go straight into the matrimonial stakes and begin his shagging career in earnest.

Meanwhile Aidan O'Brien, the Coolmore operation's trainer, was remaining tight-lipped about what might happen to Gorgeous George now that his wedding tackle has proved to be a dud.

A number of possibilities exist: the glue factory, A French farmers' market or forking our tens of thousands for a re-incarnation in a National Hunt career.

So far nobody is quoting any odds for the outcome of the inevitable business decision that Coolmore must now make.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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