Written by Tom Taylor
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Wednesday, 7 March 2007

image for Norwegian woodwork - Risse beats Barca in crossbar shoot out.
Even this ball is impressed... and it's an inanimate object

Barcelona, 'the best team in the world', have been shown to be utter crap. So confident were the hosts Liverpool of their progression in the Champions League, they spent an entire game just trying to get the ball to hit the post, or as near to, without scoring.

John Arne Risse was particularly pleased with his efforts.

"The first shot I took flashed past the goal but the second... that hit the woodwork so hard I thought I'd broken it - it was awesome. I saw this video once of Ronaldinho where he hit the bar three times in a row. Today he didn't hit it once. Best player in the world, my ass."

Midfielder Momo Sissoko, who has never scored for his team, seemed particularly proud of his effort. From fully 30 yards out, with a completely open goal and the goalkeeper off having a picnic, the man from Mali's goal bound shot took a fortunate swerve in the air to crash into the cross bar.

"I was really proud of that." claims Sissoko "That stupid icelandic guy had a perfect chance to hit the post and what does he do? He stuffs it completely and puts it in the net. What a knob."

Liverpool are hopeful of emulating this form for the rest of the season.

Captain Steven Gerrard had this to say, "Look we have some really important games coming up and, if we can keep hitting the post and missing like we have, who knows what can happen... hang on... we'll probably lose won't we?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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