Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 3 March 2007

image for Monty In Trouble For Saying "Boo!" To A Goosen
Normally he wouldn't say "Boo!" to a goose

Golfer Monty Colingomerie is in trouble with the Professional Golfers Association (PGA) again and has been charged with 'ungentlemanly conduct' and 'behaviour likely to cause a fight'.

The Scotsman, who weighs more than 19 stones, was playing in a charity event at Sandwich in aid of War On Weight.

With scores even going onto the last green, his playing partner, South African Retief Goosen, was putting for the match. As Goosen went into his backlift, Colingomerie, inexplicably, said "Boo!"

The South African's putt grazed the cup, but did not drop. Incensed, he turned to face the overweight Scot. Course officials managed to keep the two apart, but tempers remained frayed, and the pair decided to dispense with the customary handshake, and pint in the clubhouse.

A PGA spokesman told reporters at the course that this kind of conduct would not be tolerated. Alastair Fairplay said:

"The PGA takes a pretty dim view of this sort of thing. We are preparing charges.
Monty said "Boo!" to Goosen, and he must now explain himself."

Jock McSecondbest, Colingomerie's caddie, said:

"I don't understand it. It's quite out of character. Normally, he wouldn't do this sort of thing."

The Scot, himself, was unavailable for comment, and spent the rest of the evening in the club restaurant putting away a 5-course supper and a bottle of Glenfiddich.

Goosen, the man booed, was once struck by lightning, and said:

"I'm disgusted. He'll never win anything."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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