Arsenal manager and Frenchman, Arsene Wenger, slammed the linesman in last weekend's Carling Cup Final exit, comparing him to "Pontius Pilate", the man who betrayed Christ. Wenger spoke of "the betrayal of his young side", and said it was "akin to the betrayal of Christ at the hands of pagan Roman persecutors".
"I don't want to go completely overboard on zis, but when I zink of ze linesman I zink of Christ's suffering."
Jose Mourinho cleared the linesman from any wrong doing, and accused Wenger of behaving "like a martyr". He was, however, quick to blame society for the last minute melee which marred the game.
"When I ran onto ze field uttering Christ's words, I was running to save mankind itself. Anyone with a beeg responsibility towards society would have done ze same."
Sir Alex Ferguson, still condemning Lille's players weeks after the game, added:
"Absolutely unprecedented for Lille to behave like that. The mass exodus was bigger than anything in the bible. I've been in the game a hundred years, and I've never witnessed scenes of such biblical proportions. Lille are the pagan anti-Christs of football, like, y' ken?"
The Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Lionel Blair, was quick to defend all faiths within the game.
"You see, my son, this can happen in a secular society. We must be tolerant of one and other's faith in the centre circle where disputes can break out over quite fundamental differences in the way we worship."
Noted theologian, Cardinal Raphael Aloysius Benitez was visiting Lourdes without a hope in hell, and unavailable for comment.