Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 28 February 2007

image for John Terry Out Until End Of Season
The FA wants to send a clear message

John Terry, the player at the centre of the 'kicked unconscious' allegations in the Carling Cup Final at the weekend, is in trouble with the Football Association and with the alleged 'attacker', Abou Diaby.

The FA, after reviewing videotape evidence of the incident at its Lancaster Gate headquarters yesterday, have ruled that there was "little or no contact", and have banned Terry until the end of the season for diving.

FA spokesman, Dave Blindness, said:

"We're seeing a lot of this, especially from the big clubs, and Chelsea in particular. It's ruining the game. We have to nip it in the bud."

Jose Moaninho, the Chelsea boss, put his bottom lip out over the top of his scarf, and then, without hardly troubling his teeth to part, said:

"Zis is what we have come to expect. I'm a bad loser."

In a new twist, last night, Arsenal's Abou Diaby challenged Terry's version of events, when he claimed that the Chelsea captain, himself, was the aggressor.
Diaby has a damaged seventh metatarsil, and says that the Blues skipper "deliberately head-butted" his foot, and then "went down like a sack of potatoes."

Arsenal Wenger, Arsene's manager, backed his player:

"It's ze way Terry plays ze game", said Wenger, with a string of onions around his neck. "We haf to accept zat. I'm a very bad loser."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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