Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 26 February 2007

image for John Terry In Hospital - Dreams Fantastic Dream
Diaby's boot caught him under the chin

John Terry, the Torquay United footballer, woke up in hospital last night and told doctors about a fantastic dream he had, in which in he believed he was a Chelsea and England international defender.

Terry was knocked-out yesterday during a gardening accident, when he stood on a spade in the back garden of his 'friend's' house in Cardiff.

He was immediately rushed to the A & E department of the St Handball Hospital in London where, on waking, he told doctors he was a Chelsea player with two Premier League Championship medals, FA Cup winners medals, and other assorted bits of silverware. He also claimed to be an England international who had captained his country, and had also had the fantastic experience of playing in the World Cup, although he did confess that both he and the team had performed disappointingly.

His account of the gardening accident was that he had been playing in a Carling Cup Final against Arsenal at Cardiff, when he had stooped to head the ball, and had been kicked under the chin by Arsenal's Abou Diaby.

Doctors at the hospital are hopeful that the player will make a full recovery.

Dr Crippen, a noted neurologist, said:

"Despite the fact that Diaby's boot penetrated Terry's brain, the damage is minimal, and he should be fit to line up against Chester on Friday."

Torquay manager Arthur Wenger laughed, as he was told of his defender's plight:

"Head in the clouds as usual! What a donkey!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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