Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 13 February 2007

image for Jewell Accuses 'Bent Ref' Of Being Boy George's Brother
The resemblance is clear

Paul Jewell, the cheeky-faced Scouser in charge of Wigan Athletic, was last night at the centre of a refereeing storm that could peter out into nothing.

Little Gem, as he is known by other managers who can't stand his guts, made serious accusations against Phil O'Dowd, who was officiating the Arsenal v. Wigan game last Sunday, which Wigan lost 2-1.

The Latics boss claimed O'Dowd "could have cost us £50million" if Wigan were to be relegated, and accused the ref of being the brother of heroin-addicted, cross-dressing, gender-bending pop star Boy George.

The ex-Culture Club singer, real name Crusty O'Dowd, has denied any connection, just as he denied adding an 'O' to the start of his surname to make it sound interesting, and just as he denied being a screaming crack monkey.

Jewell, though, is adamant.

"They're like two peas in a pod", he said, "separated at birth."

It's not the first time O'Dowd the ref has courted this kind of controversy. He was pulled from the Man Utd-Chelsea fixture recently, when he turned up for the game with a cerise-coloured referee shirt, and was spotted pre-match walking around the dressing rooms in a pink negligee.

Justin Crimperflake, of the Gay Referees Association, said "He's not one of our members, though he did apply once. We felt he was unsuitable as he is a crap ref."

This morning, FA chiefs confirmed that Jewell will be summoned to a disciplinary hearing later this month, but not at their Lancaster Gate headquarters. The last time Mr Jewell appeared before them at Lancaster Gate, several cars in the car park were "up on bricks" after their wheels were stolen.

The FA made it clear that they believed there was no connection between the Wigan boss and the car park antics, but, just to be safe, an alternative venue will be found, and extra security deployed outside.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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