Written by CrazyTexan
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Topics: Naked, Friends

Thursday, 18 December 2003

Saint's wide receiver Joe Horn, was found Wednesday curled up in a fetal position in the bathroom at his home. He was naked and shivering and was quoted as saying, "I want my mommy." His friends who found him were surprised that the quiet and humble football player would break down like this.

"It's all of the media attention," said a friend on condition of anonymity. "It all started after the game on Sunday. His name was all over the place, and he just couldn't handle it."

Horn was rushed to a local hospital. While the athlete is in perfect health physically he is under suicide watch. "I've never seen such depression before," stated Dr. Shivawko. "He has truly lost the will to live, and above all he wants his mother here."

Horn made a cell phone call after scoring a touchdown by hiding the phone under the goal post. While most people think it was simply a publicity stunt, Horn claimed he was calling his mother because, "he loves her so much."

The incident came to ahead as the NFL fined Horn $30,000 for using the cell phone on the sideline. Horn was originally indignant about the potential fine saying, "I'm sure that this patriarchal league will come down on a man who just wants to talk to his mother."

His mother was unavailable for comment, but his father was quoted as saying, "I'm so ashamed my son is such a jackass and a momma's boy."

The Saints organization expressed their concern by placing Horn on injured reserve-the injury listed is "momma's boy."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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