Brainless big mouth, Jade Goody, is in talks to settle a deal which will see her managing premiership flops West Ham, in spite of never having done anything ever. The struggling London side's problems are a couple of expensive Argies who are a pair of prats. Hammer's Icelandic owner, Hark Helmuthead, saw the potential in Goody's recent Big Brother 'poppadom' outburst.
'Ya, cor blimey, we have a couple of Argies who have never done a thing ever, lumme. We know they're foreign, but they're not getting any Englisher. They need some old-fashioned abuse, and that's why we've got this Goody bint, wotcha wotcha wotcha, oy!'
Former TV pundit, Ron Atkinson, who once called a large black French defender a 'big lazy nigger' live on air, said: 'She's a big girl and she's got a big mouth like me. Have a pop, my son. She's got a good left peg on her too. Good effort. Work on Sky, ITV, ooh crowd scenes. Swing it in. I never looked back, but I am looking forward to seeing the big girl in claret and blue. Wot a curler! Oooh, that's football.'
West Ham fans, whose favourite song is beyond belief, can look forward to hearing Goody's big mouth in the technical area blasting the Argie no-hopers, and it's just a matter of time before the England job beckons. Email if you think Goody should get the Eeeengerrrland job. It's wot you want, admit it!